I can remember exactly how I felt this time last year. I couldn't wait. I was so excited to turn the page to a new year. 2020. I had a list. I knew what to expect. There were some big milestones marked on that calendar. It was going to be OUR year.
My word for 2020 was expectation. My verse was Psalm 62:5.
"My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him."
I wasn't expecting SOMETHING. I was expecting SOMEONE. Having said, "Yes, Lord. I will," I was waiting. I was waiting on the Lord to show up in the middle of that, expecting Him to show up in the middle of that. I was expecting Him to remain faithful through the hard and uncertain. I was expecting Him to open a door and close all the others in accordance with His will. I was expecting to see Him work in and through my life for His glory. I was expecting Him to answer prayers. And while I was expecting, I was waiting. I was determined not to go my own way, as I have so many times before, but to trust Him for His way in His time, no matter how much time that may take.
March 13 was the day I knew that 2020 would be a year unlike any other. 2020 would be a year that I was definitely NOT expecting. I don't want to say 2020 was a disappointing year. I don't want to look back and think about all the things on the list that never got a check mark.
My birthday, which rolled around at the very beginning of the government-mandated shutdown
Mason's baseball season
All of the spring and last day of school festivities
Hannah Kate's last year at Kids' Camp (she aged out this year)
Ellie's first year at Kids' Camp
Mason's youth group mission trip
Our 20th wedding anniversary trip
And all of the other numerous activities and plans that never came to be
I also don't want to look back and define 2020 with all the buzz words and events that I'd much rather not remember at all. But I don't think any of us will recall 2020 without these markers.
Global pandemic
Stay-at-home order
Travel ban
Toilet paper shortage
Social distancing
Virtual schooling
Churches closed to corporate worship and gatherings
Virtual church
Zoom
Social and civil unrest
Injustice
Racism
Systemic racism
Political turmoil and contested elections
Hurricanes (4 or 5 came our way this year) and wild fires
Face masks. Oh, the face masks. Who would've ever thought that in 2020 we'd be wearing face masks?!
(I saw and saved this back in April just so I could share it here! It's funny, but it's not. There just might be a lot of truth in it. I can remember I'd often times remind myself that my MeMama lived some hard years through the Depression and that's why she was the way she was sometimes. And, now, this just might be me in the years to come!).
So, no. All of those things are not what defines 2020 for me. I look back on this year, and I'm reminded of what God did. I saw and experienced Him moving and working in ways that wouldn't have happened outside of this year. Was there heartache? Yes. Anger? Yes. Grief? Yes. Confusion? Yes. Chaos? Yes. Uncertainty? Yes. Loss? Yes. Peace? Yes and absolutely!
But God. He was there in and through it all. The God who spoke light and life into the darkness and void; the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob; the God who parted the Red Sea to bring His people out of captivity and bondage; the God who shut the mouths of the lions; the God who turns mourning into dancing and trades ashes for beauty; the God who raised dead men to life and restored sight to the blind; the God who sent His one and only Son into the world to be miracle-born of a virgin; the God whose power raised His Son up from the dead and obliterated the chains of death, hell and the grave; the God who has given us so many great and precious promises; the God who has given us Himself; the God who not only dwells with us but within us through the power of His indwelling Holy Spirit. He is the same God in 2020. And He will be the same God in 2021.
I know so many will look back on 2020 and ask, "God, where were You?" Here. He was here. He's here right now. I hesitate to talk about "lessons learned." Because usually I have to re-learn the same lessons over again. And again. And maybe again. I knew the lesson, but I didn't necessarily learn the lesson. There were some lessons this year. I already knew them. But this year I EXPERIENCED them.
I have control over absolutely nothing. Except maybe my attitude. But that's not really what this is about. I can make all the plans I want to. But God is sovereign over even my "best" plans, and He is always at work to accomplish His will for my good and His glory. The sovereignty of God has brought me much peace and rest this year. Because the truth is that He is in control of all of it. He does not make mistakes. He does not need a do-over. He is right and good in every single decision He makes, every single thing He does. I can rest and trust in the sovereignty of God. Even in 2020.
Many, many days this year the same song played over and over and over in my mind. Way Maker. Miracle Worker. Promise Keeper. Light in the Darkness. My God, that is who You are. Even when I can't see it, You're working. Even when I don't feel it, You're working. Over and over. It's one thing to know something. But it's a different thing entirely to experience it. At the end of October, the Lord brought a situation out from under the cover of darkness and into the light. It was unexpected, it was shocking, it was something I had no idea was happening. In that moment I was overwhelmed with gratitude and humility and awe at how God was working even when I didn't know it, didn't see it, didn't know I needed to be praying in that particular way, didn't realize we needed His covering and protection in such a powerful way. Time after time God made a way through the impossible, working in ways that only He could, accomplishing things only He could do. Even in 2020.
Especially in 2020!
So. It's a little tradition. At the end of each year, I look back and remember 17 in 2017, 18 in 2018, 19 in 2019. I've been thinking about this year's post for awhile now and wondered if I could even find 20 in 2020. But you know what? It didn't take long at all. In less than five minutes, I had my list of 20. Honestly, the list could've been longer. Even in 2020.
1. Family Summer Vacation to Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons - This trip was originally planned for May, but we delayed it until July. I wasn't even sure up until the week before if we would actually be able to make the trip or not. But we did. And it was amazing! Just the best time, a much-needed time! The kids got to experience their first airplane flight. And we got to re-live with our children some of the memories and adventures from our 15th wedding anniversary trip to Yellowstone and the Tetons. This was most definitely the favorite event of the year!
2. Our 20th Wedding Anniversary - No matter what trip we didn't take or a necessarily special day make, we have been married for 20 years!
3. Mason's 15th Birthday - I suppose after becoming a teenager, fifteen seems to be the next milestone. I expected by this point to be deeply engaged in teaching him how to drive. But that hasn't happened yet. See below.
4. Hannah Kate's 13th Birthday - It was definitely a big year in the Bayham family for birthdays. She's a teenager now, and we have two teenagers in the house. I think someone needs to hold me!
5. Schooling Changes - Well, I'm pretty sure every single parent with children can attest to schooling changes and transitions this year! Even before 2020 was on the horizon, we knew the Lord was calling us to transition back into the public school system. And this was to be the year. But, since it's 2020, it wasn't what we expected. Mason returned to MSA, but the girls are homeschooled this year. That was definitely NOT my plan AT ALL. But it was God's, and we have gratefully accepted His provision and way. And, of course, even though Mason integrated back into the traditional school system, it has been anything but traditional. When school resumes next week, he will begin the third different virtual model since August. As challenging as it's been, he has mastered every turn. And even though the school year didn't materialize like the girls hoped, they have embraced their schooling and have done so well.
6. Pointe Shoes - Hannah Kate's dream of getting her first pair of pointe shoes became a reality this year! She worked so hard towards this goal, and it was an unexpected surprise.
7. San Antonio Vacation - We spent Mardi Gras break in San Antonio eating all the Mexican food and strolling the River Walk.
8. Volunteering at the Operation Christmas Child Processing Center - This was such a meaningful experience for Seth, Mason and me, and I can't wait to do it again next year and take Hannah Kate, too!
9. Driver's Ed - Well, like I mentioned earlier I anticipated we'd be done with driver's ed by now and really teaching Mason how to drive. He completed and passed the classroom portion in September, but he still hasn't been able to do his eight hours of required driving with an instructor. So I guess we'll carry that into 2021.
10. Summertime in Georgia - As we try to do every year, the kids and I spent a couple of weeks in Georgia with my family during the summer. We were able to attend the Connell annual family July 4th reunion for the first time, along with the usual of spending time with friends, going to the lake and all the things.
11. No More Braces - Mason finally got his braces off at the beginning of the year.
12. Mason: Student of the Month Nominee - This is just another testimony of God's faithfulness and confirmation that we are where He wants us to be regarding the children's schooling. It was such an honor for Mason to be nominated and recognized for his character, integrity and hard work. He's done this school year all by himself! And I couldn't be more proud!
13. Ellie: Acro Student of the Month - Ellie was doing so very well in her gymnastics class and was even promoted right before the gym was shuttered in March. Unfortunately, it wasn't able to reopen. We don't have the opportunity of a gymnastics facility convenient to us so she joined an acro class at the dance studio. She misses the beam and bars, but this class has been good for her and enabled her to not only keep up with her skill level but also advance a bit on the floor.
14. Hannah Kate's 9th Year Dancing - Well, because it's 2020, the dance recital was virtual. We were so looking forward to the recital this year. All of her costumes were gorgeous. She and the teachers had worked so hard. The studio made the very best of a hard situation. And I did all I could to make sure both Hannah Kate and Abbie felt celebrated and a semblance of what a dance recital would've been. Sometimes they all run together. But I think this one will always be remembered.
15. Ellie's New Smile - Ellie finally lost her first tooth this year! She's lost four now and has many more go to. We are also well aware that A LOT of orthodontia is in her future.
16. LSU Gymnastics Season Tickets - Last Christmas Mimi gave Ellie season tickets for the gymnastics season. We always look forward to those Friday nights in January and February. We were able to attend all of the home meets except the last one because the SEC stopped the season.
17. LSU / Georgia Basketball Game - Also last Christmas Mimi gave Mason tickets to the LSU / Georgia basketball game. It was the weekend right before the season was suspended by the NCAA, and I am so very grateful we were able to go!
19. Virtual Life and Social Distancing - I really can't talk about 2020 without including this one. School went virtual. Church went virtual. Doctor's appointments went virtual. BSF went virtual. I was already ordering groceries online and most everything else even before 2020, but there was even more of that. We purchased a couple of new computers in March to be sure everyone could successfully navigate the new virtual lifestyle. I am certainly grateful for the technology that kept us connected and moving forward. But I have to admit to Zoom-fatigue now. I will be so very glad once school and BSF return to in-person meetings and gatherings. We've remained connected as much as possible, but I've also never felt so disconnected in all my life! Once we finish this upcoming semester, I hope I never have to login to Zoom again! Furthermore, I can also go the rest of my life without hearing the words "social distancing!"
20. LSU won the Natty - So. I mean. This makes the list ONLY because it's my husband's number one. And if he's happy, I'm happy. And I want him to be happy! But, at this point, that seems like so long ago that I've nearly forgotten about it (not to mention that this year's season has been anything but championship level). And that's how this crazy 2020 year got started all those months ago on January 13. And you see what happened since then.
And, just for kicks, I'm going to add one more. I said from the very beginning that I could keep on going past 20. Usually my OCD self would absolutely stop at 20. But it's 2020, after all, and I'm going to break all the rules. So here's 21.
21. We bought a boat. This was totally not planned at all. And it's a long story really. Seth has been wanting a boat for a very long time now, and he's constantly talking about fishing and frogging. So I told him a month or so ago to find a boat. That was all he needed to hear (although I'm sure he was in shock and awe that those words came out of my mouth!). And he did. It's special. It's real special. Don't believe me? It's written on the side of the boat! It's also been a bit of a diamond in the rough, a fixer upper. We've had her about a week and a half now, and Seth has already done a lot of work on her.
