I always love when one of the New Testament Gospel studies comes around in BSF. It doesn't align exactly, but the final chapters detailing Jesus' crucifixion, death, burial and resurrection will mirror in some way the Lenten season and Resurrection Sunday. Easter was at the end of March this year so we were just getting to the events during the last week of Jesus' life on earth when we celebrated Resurrection Sunday. We studied John's Gospel this year.
As we began the study last fall, I immediately circled in my Bible two words that jumped off the page at me in chapter 1.
Life.
Light.
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men." ~John 1:1-4
It's a very familiar passage and one that I've read many times, but in that moment it was brand new. I immediately knew that whatever the Lord wanted to do in my heart as I encountered Him throughout the Gospel of John would center around life and light. As I kept going, the Lord made it very clear to me that He had a word for me, and that word was LIFE.
Jesus' earthly ministry spanned roughly three years. As He continued teaching and performing signs and miracles, He experienced more and more rejection until there finally comes a point in John 6 when even some of His disciples turn away from Him. They rejected His teaching, and they ultimately rejected Him.
"From that time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more." ~John 6:66
Then Jesus looked straight as His twelve disciples - His tribe, the men He'd chosen for a special calling, the ones He would pour Himself into - and asked them, "Do you want to leave me, too?" And, of course, Peter was the first to answer. "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life." (John 6:68)
For the most part, I've always thought of that word "life" in the context of salvation and eternal life.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." ~John 3:16
Those who have placed saving faith in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord will one day spend eternity in heaven with Him.
"Whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give to him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life." ~John 4:14
And then again . . .
"Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me has everlasting life. I am the bread of life." ~John 6:47-48
And then I got to chapter 10. Up until this point, I'd already gotten to two of Jesus' I AM statements. He is the Bread of Life (6:35) and the Light of the World (8:12). Life and light. It's in the context of two more of Jesus' I AM statements that He reveals Himself as the Door and the Good Shepherd. He says (and it's a verse I've seen a million times and know by heart), "I have come that you may have life and have it more abundantly" (10:10). Some translations say "to the full."
Life. Abundant. Full.
I knew immediately what the Lord was pressing on my heart. The abundant life that Jesus is talking bout right here isn't just reserved for heaven. He wants us to have abundant life right here right now. I realize this probably isn't new for anyone. But I had to honestly say that I wasn't living in light of this promise of abundant life for the right here right now place in which I am. Eternal life in heaven, yes! And I so look forward to that day. But there's also abundant life for every today on this earth that the Lord gives me.
It's so important to understand not only what this means but what it doesn't mean. Jesus' promise of abundant life in Him doesn't guarantee a long and prosperous life free from sorrow, sickness or suffering. As a matter of fact, Jesus pretty much promises those things, too. He says it in John 16:33. But what He does do is lead us into a place of flourishing and thriving regardless of the circumstances we find ourselves in. That what Psalm 23 is about. I had the best time studying John 10 parallel to this Psalm.
This is probably the most well-known, quoted, memorized Psalm. I've often called it the "funeral Psalm," and I'm sure I don't have to explain why. But you know what? This is not a Psalm about dying. This is a Psalm about LIVING in light of the cross of Jesus. It's a word picture of what that abundant life looks like. Abundant life in Christ describes a life that is content and resting with confidence in God's promises and provision. It's the Lord's job to take care of me, and He knows exactly how to do that. I will never be lacking anything because He knows and gives exactly what I need. He brings me to green pastures, still waters and the right path. I am restored. I am never alone because He is always with me (not to mention within me). That means I have no reason to worry or fear. My cup is full. I have more blessings that problems! God chases me, pursues me, with His goodness and mercy. I am living in a place of abundance! Abundance isn't determined by my circumstances, bank account, health, followers, likes, lack of hardship or anything else. It's determined by my position in Jesus as His sheep. It's a heart and life surrendered to Him.
As I concluded my study of John 10 and Psalm 23, I was determined to move forward living out this truth, living the abundant LIFE. And this is possible only because Jesus willingly, joyfully gave up His own life. It's out of death that life comes. It's in dying (to self and sin) that you truly live.
Then came spring and Easter and the celebration of our risen Savior and Lord on March 31.
The very next day, April 1, we found out that my dad has cancer. On April 8 we found out that the cancer is in advanced stages, extensive throughout his body and will not respond to any kind of treatment. By this time, I was in Georgia. In the early morning dark hours of April 11, I had to call 911, and Daddy was taken to the emergency room and ultimately admitted to the hospital. Mama, Rob and I were gathered around that hospital bed. There were lots of tears, lots of prayers. And then the decision was made. We brought him home on April 12 with hospice care.
The four of us had been everyday that week to some kind of doctor's appointment or consultation. Rob would drive with Daddy in the front seat, me and Mama sitting in the back seat, most of the time holding hands. By the time we drove home from the hospital that Friday afternoon, I'd been awake nearly 60 hours. I was exhausted. And I was sad. So sad. I've never been so sad in all my life. I can remember thinking, "I can't believe this is my life now."
LIFE.
Living.
But now dying.
In the days that followed, we learned how to navigate oxygen concentrators, medications, wheelchairs, pain management, meal times. We had conversations. We laughed. We reminisced. We gathered. We planned. We wept. Life shifted in an instant. The sheer finality of Daddy's diagnosis was so sudden, so shocking.
I think Charles Dickens in "A Tale of Two Cities" sums it up quite well.
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair."
But you know what?
Winter? Yes.
Despair? Absolutely not!
During those early weeks, I often said, "The news is not good. But God is."
And I meant it. I meant it with everything I have. As I continued studying though those last chapters of John's gospel, the beauty of Christ's passion collided with my present human suffering and spoke TRUTH and LIFE to a weary, grieved soul. The simple truth is this (and I'm just going to use the same words my parents' pastor used when he came to visit with us after we brought Daddy home). The day is coming when Daddy will breathe in and breathe out on this earth and then his very next breath in will be in heaven. We take great comfort and hope in knowing that even when my Daddy breathes his very last on this earth, He will be more alive than we can even imagine! He will spend eternity in the very presence of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. And I WILL see him again one day because I'll spend eternity there, too! Don't get me wrong. I will be so very sad when that day comes. But I will also rejoice. It's because of Jesus' resurrection that we have this certain hope and victory over death.
My Daddy is only 71 years old. I used to think that was kinda old, but I don't anymore. And I also happen to think that's quite young to receive the diagnosis he did in the way it happened. But we don't get to choose. The Lord does. And He can be trusted! I am so grateful that the Lord ordained this year's BSF study to be the Gospel of John. Studying this book, these chapters during this exact time has really shaped my perspective toward my Daddy's sickness. My prayer, and I think the prayer of all of us - Daddy, Mama, me and Rob - has been that we will honor and glorify Him through this time of suffering.
"What things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ." ~Philippians 3:7-8
I can't even tell you all the ways the Lord's people have surrounded and provided for my family these last two months. My parents' church and our family have provided meals for them and us every. day. They have built a ramp, cut the grass, mowed the pasture, sent cards and gifts, come to the house to cut Daddy's hair, sold the boat so we didn't have to worry about that. So many things. It's quite humbling to be on the receiving end of such extravagant giving.
So many continue to faithfully pray for my daddy. And you know what? The cancer is still there, and he still can't walk, and there are still challenges, but I still say the Lord has done a healing work in my dad's body. He was so very sick at the beginning of April, not just because of the cancer but because he also had sepsis and pneumonia. The Lord healed those two things. He's no longer on oxygen 24/7 but only at night as needed. He can't walk, but my cousin gifted us with the use of an electric wheelchair, which means Daddy can go outside and sit on the patio. Rob set up a little firing range in the backyard so he's also been doing a little bit of target practice and skeet shooting from the carport. He drove the golf cart through the pasture last week. Mama took him for a ride to see the new store going up in Hollonville. His speech has improved, and he's able to eat much better than he was, something we didn't think would ever improve after the initial consultation with the speech pathologist.
As I've continued to reflect on life and living, I can say with certainty that there is LIFE, and abundantly, in the midst of death and dying!
I arrived in Georgia on April 8 and stayed with my parents until May 3 with the exception of three days I came back to Louisiana to see Seth and the kids. It had been a grueling two weeks for all of us, and we just needed to be together. Mason drove down from Ruston. We all went to church together that Sunday. Hannah Kate gave me a hug before the second service, just like she always does. She told me that they were all going to sit with me. I didn't think too much about it until I walked off the stage after I finished playing for that service. I took the seat on the end beside Seth like I always do. And then I looked down the row and saw four Bibles open. It had been months and months and months since we all five sat together during church because they're always sitting with the student or college group or, in Mason's case, off at college.
Bibles open. The Word.
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men." ~John 1:1-4
