I've been waiting all school year to tell this story. Honestly, more than anything, I was waiting to find out what the end of this story was going to be. I was hoping it would be GOOD. But, even if it wasn't so good, I knew I'd share anyway. Good or not so good, it's risky. It requires a vulnerability and transparency that is super uncomfortable for me. It opens doors that I'd much rather stay closed.
So why do it? Why share? Several reasons.
First and foremost, this is a testimony about what God has done! This is about God moving and working on behalf of the good of His child, even when it doesn't seem and feel so good at the moment. This is about God's sovereignty over ALL circumstances and situations. This is about God having complete knowledge of all things - past, present and future - at all times and all power to direct the circumstances of our lives for our greater good - for His good purposes, to give Him all the glory. This is about God over-ruling the plans of man, the systems of society to accomplish His good purposes in His time and His way. This is a story about God and His faithfulness, mercy, grace and goodness over His children.
Secondly, I am hopeful this will encourage other moms who have children with learning differences and struggle in the classroom. Our journey really began when Mason was in kindergarten. First grade was the worst. And the fight really began in 2nd grade. At the time, I didn't know other moms who were going through similar experiences. I felt so alone. I felt like something was wrong with us. I had no idea what to do or where to turn. Wednesday night I was talking to a mom after church, and she was sharing a current schooling difficulty with one of her children. She had no idea about our story. I listened and then I said, "I understand everything you just said. I know exactly how you feel. Mason is dyslexic, and we received the official diagnosis when he was in 2nd grade." So we talked some more, I shared a little more. I did what I always do. I am a HUGE champion for therapy and what it takes to get you there. It works! I've seen it, I've experienced and I have no doubt that's why we are where we are today. That psycho-educational eval and those years of private therapy were a lifeline and got us exactly where we needed to be for Mason to experience true success in the class. I firmly believe that's why he's overcome so much, and now you'd really never know what all he's been through if you didn't know it already. I know this is so scary for Mamas. Psycho-educational. But it truly gave us the information we needed and led us to the tools we needed to help Mason. This sweet Mama looked at me and said, "But I just never thought I'd have a kid with a learning disability. I mean, I just can't. That can't be my kid." Yes, yes and YES! That's EXACTLY how I felt all those years ago. So this is for all the Mamas who feel that way. Take it from a Mama who's been there. That tunnel was so dark and so long. We didn't see light for such a long time. Until one day we did. We saw the light, and we kept moving toward the light until the day the tunnel was behind us, and we couldn't see it anymore.
And, lastly, I'm hopeful this will encourage all who read this and who don't have a child with a learning difference or struggles in the classroom. Because we all have our "thing." What is that one area (or maybe many areas of your life) where you feel completely and utterly hopeless? What in your life just seems impossible right now, even for God? Where in your life are you desperately waiting and begging God to just show up, to do something? This is for you.
Tuesday was Mason's last day of school was Tuesday. He was recognized as a Silver Scholar for this school year (maintaining a 3.0-3.74 GPA).
The awards ceremony was virtual (of course) so I watched from home. I had no idea whether or not he was receiving an award, as I wasn't sure what his final GPA was or what was even awarded. Then I saw this.
This was the picture I took on his first day of school to commemorate the start of another year. Notice the difference? (9th grade and Sophomore are NOT the same).
Only a very few of our family and closest friends knew that Mason was taking 9th grade classes again this year. But this was "supposed to be" his 10th grade year of school. I had no idea what to put on the sign. To me, it was his Sophomore year. According to the school, it was his Freshman year all over again. I wasn't ready to share that, and even now I'm still not ready to share it. But I have to. I knew there would be a story, but I wasn't sure the ending yet. So we waited.
Many of you know we'd spent the last five years before this year homeschool in partnership with Sequitur Classical Academy. In November 2018 as I studied the book of Joshua, the Lord very specifically revealed that He was going to transition us back into a more traditional school setting. I knew that year to be 2020. So I began planning in that direction. Of course, we had no idea at the time what 2020 was to be. So the very short story is that Mason returned to a public magnet school this year, but the girls were homeschooled.
The week before school started, the school guidance counselor called me and said that Mason needed to come for placement testing. Once it was all said and done, he spent about 17 hours that week testing in English, Algebra, Geometry, Biology, Latin and one other subject that I can't even recall now. It was honestly exhausting. I was told that he demonstrated content knowledge but not mastery in English, Algebra, Geometry and Biology and would therefore be placed in those classes should we choose to continue with enrollment at the school. Classes he'd already taken and passed with As and Bs. He'd been out of school for two months. It had been two years since he'd taken Algebra. Because we didn't know ahead of time that placement testing was required, he had no time or opportunity to study a bit before taking the tests.
We had several different conversations over the course of two days regarding a lot of things. I asked some hard questions. I got some hard answers. I didn't agree with all of them, but I respected them. These conversations were good conversations, and it was such a good opportunity to build a positive working relationship with the school administrators. Mostly what I remember about those days is sitting on the back porch early every morning and praying and crying. I knew we were where we were supposed to be and pursuing the path the Lord had set us on, but it was NOT going like I thought it would. As a matter of fact, it was the complete opposite. It seemed like a nightmare. I thought we'd left the nightmare behind once we got to 5th grade, but here it was all over again.
We had a choice. We could move forward with 9th grade AGAIN, or I could homeschool him and try again later. Seth and I agreed that we would move forward. So I talked to the guidance counselor one last time. She asked if I thought Mason could manage both Algebra and Geometry in the same school year (because that's not something they encourage or do). I told her I didn't think he could. I KNEW he could. She also said that he demonstrated content mastery in Latin. Even though the school doesn't offer that as a foreign language option, he would receive credit for it and could take an online Latin II class to complete the foreign language requirement for high school. So, in that moment, I did see God at work. But would Mason? The next step was to sit down with him and explain everything. How do you tell your son who has work so dang hard his whole life to experience success in the classroom that now, after all these years, it's time to repeat a grade?
I kept begging the Lord to let me see Him in this. I was listening to my playlist one night while I was cooking supper, and "Psalm 34 (Taste and See)" (Shane & Shane's version) came on. I stopped, and I knew that was my answer. I grabbed my Bible and started journaling and memorizing Psalm 34 . . .
"I will bless the LORD at ALL times . . ." (not just the "good" times)
"I sought the LORD, and He heard me, and delivered me from ALL my fears . . ." (not just "some" of my fears, and this certainly was fearful to me . . . but because all means ALL, I'd be delivered from this one, too!)
"They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces WERE NOT ASHAMED." (I will NOT be ashamed.)
"THIS POOR MAN cried out, and the LORD heard him, and saved him out of ALL his troubles." (This poor girl cried out, and the Lord heard me, and I knew He would take care of all my troubles.)
And, finally . . .
"Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!" (God is GOOD. He is good ALL the time and in ALL things. Even this horrible thing.)
And I repeated that to myself over and over and over again.
And then it was time to tell Mason. So I explained everything the guidance counselor told me, everything we talked about. There were tears. There was disappointment. And then we talked about Psalm 34. I made him read it aloud. And here's what we said and prayed that night. This was Tuesday, August 11.
"Lord, this does not seem good at all. As a matter of fact, it stinks. It hurts. It's disappointing. We don't understand, Lord. Why? Why did You bring us here? But, Lord, regardless of the why, we know You did. We know we heard You clearly when You said it was time to transition back into a more traditional school setting. We know You opened the door for Mason to go back to school. We don't know why, and we are sad, but we know You. We know You love Mason. We know Your plan is best and good for Mason. This is not the way we'd have chosen, but we believe You did. And because this is what You've chosen, this must somehow be good. We're going to choose to accept this as good from Your hand even though it doesn't seem good or feel good right now. There must be a reason, Lord. There's something we don't see, but You do. You see it. And because of what You know and see, You have put Mason here. So help us, Lord. Help us to be faithful. Help us to trust You. You are sovereign, Lord. You are sovereign in and over this very situation."
My heart was heavy. So heavy. Mason's was, too, that night, but he really had a positive attitude about it during the next couple of days.
School was delayed a week and finally started on Monday, August 17. On August 12, I received an unexpected package.
The card was not signed so I had NO IDEA who sent it. At that point, I don't think anyone besides my mom and my bestie knew what was going on. And NO ONE knew that I was drowning myself in Psalm 34 because it was my lifeline. I posted on social media, hoping I could thank whoever it was, hoping this person would know how powerfully the Lord used this when it probably didn't even mean very much to them at all. This is part of what I wrote in that post:
"THANK YOU for being God's hands and feet yesterday and a tangible reminder of Genesis 16:13. How did you know? I told so few people that I was listening to Shane & Shane's "Taste and See" on constant repeat for two weeks or that I'm in the process of memorizing Psalm 34. This must mean you've been praying over my kid, too. So much of God's work on our behalf has been unseen and not felt by us, but we can know for certain that He IS at work, He sees what we do not and He acts in accordance with His perfect knowledge and wisdom. We decided Tuesday night to humbly and confidently accept God's plan, and this box of chocolates that arrived on my doorstep yesterday confirmed what we know is true of our Heavenly Father - He is GOOD in ALL THINGS. Thank you for being a part of this story God is writing."
School began. Mason was ready to go the first day of school. I told him that, if anything, this was a fantastic opportunity for him to really shine in Biology, Algebra and Geometry and to catch anything he might've missed in those classes the first time around. This would make sure he was ready to move forward and beyond. And, if nothing else, at least it would be an easy school year! I also reminded Mason that there was so much more going on here than just him going to school and being in a certain class. There was a reason for it that we couldn't see. Maybe it was because Mason needed to have a certain friend or even be-friend a certain kid. Maybe it was because he would have an opportunity to be a witness to a certain teacher. We had no idea. But I told him to be looking for it, and be ready for it.
Even from the first day of school, I already knew in the back of my mind where we'd be the last day. He would be only ONE CREDIT short (English) of being a Junior. There were so many scenarios in my mind. Could he take two English classes in one year? Would summer school be an option? If not, he'd technically only have to take one class his senior year. He could work and save up some money. He could dual-enroll and begin earning college credits. Really what I was trying to do was squeeze some lemonade. I hadn't mentioned any of these to the guidance counselor nor asked any questions. I wanted to save that conversation for later. Much later. So I just kept on praying.
"Your will be done, Lord. Your will be done and not mine. I know You're at work, Lord. You are. You are good and faithful to Your children. You love my son more than I do. Your plan for Him is GOOD and beyond all I could ever dream or imagine. So Your will be done."
At the end of February, I dropped Mason off one morning in the carpool line just like I'd been doing all year. But this morning was different. The Director pulled me over to the side. She said she wanted to talk to me (which are the words no parent ever wants to hear!), and I couldn't even begin to imagine what about. She obviously saw the alarm all over my face and was quick to tell me that it was good. Very good. She said that she had been watching Mason very closely this school year (I had no idea!) and that he had proved to be more than capable at managing his school work and the rigor of the academic requirements. She said there was absolutely no reason to hold him back any longer and that she wanted to put him on the fast track to graduation if I was on board with that. I assured her I was, and she said we would have a conversation to discuss a couple of options she'd identified for him.
When I drove away that morning, the only response I had in that moment was laughter. Because ONLY GOD. Only God could do that! I had not said a word or even asked if or how it would be possible for Mason to be a Junior next year and graduate "on time." Nothing. But God did. God had been at work all along, and I had no idea. I had no idea they were watching Mason and entertaining the possibility that this was an unusual situation that might merit an unusual ending.
Mason will take a three week class next month, and he will begin the 2021-22 school year as a JUNIOR. Yes. Three weeks. And that's it! I could hardly wait to tell Mason that night about my conversation with the Director in the carpool line. In true Mason fashion, he's been very chill about it all. But not Ellie. One day not too long ago, she looked at Mason and said rather emphatically, "You do realize you are SKIPPING 10TH GRADE, don't you?!?" And she's reminded us of that several times since (mainly because that's her justification for her being able to skip a grade). He's not technically skipping a grade. He'll still have all the same, required credits. He'll still have gone to school the same number of years as everyone else.
But, yeah, I guess so. I suppose he is "skipping a grade."
We studied Genesis this year at BSF. This was my second time studying Genesis. The first time Mason was in 2nd grade. That was the year we received his "official" diagnosis and began private therapy. That was a HARD year. I always said Genesis was in my top three favorite studies, if not my favorite. I was so looking forward to doing it again. I had no idea going into the study this year that this school year would be like it was, a very unexpected and difficult and discouraging part of Mason's schooling, very much like that 2nd grade year. So it seemed even more fitting that we'd be in Genesis again. From the very beginning, I couldn't wait to get to Genesis 16:13. As a matter of fact, there were many Genesis 16:13 moments this year, the first of which was when that box of chocolates was delivered to my door step.
"Then she (Hagar) called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, "You-Are-the-God-Who-Sees; for she said, "Have I also here seen Him who sees me?"
God sees me. God sees Mason. God sees perfectly what we do not.
Looking back that 2nd grade year wasn't so bad after all! Mason's teacher was a huge part of us figuring out what the next steps needed to be for him. She's a big reason he's where he is today. He even ended that year with a Bronze Scholar academic award. It did not come easy. But just because something is hard doesn't mean it can't be good. And, now, looking back, 9th grade again wasn't so bad after all. It's still not what I would've chosen, but it ended better than I could've imagined. I'm also convinced we don't know yet all the Lord is doing through this and all the reasons for it, and we may never know.
God sees you. And God is right now at this very moment working on behalf of your good and His glory. It may not seem like it or feel like. You may not see it at all. But you can trust Him. Always in ALL things. You can trust Him. God is GOOD at being God!
God sees your child. And God is right now at this very moment working on behalf of your child's good and His glory. It may not seem like it or feel like it. You may not see it at all. But you can trust Him. Always in ALL things. You can trust Him. God loves your child even more than you do! And God is GOOD at being God!
I also have to mention . . . the Sunday (April 25) we joined our new church, "Psalm 34 (Taste and See) was one of the songs we sang during worship. I cried the whole time. Only God. We also sang "It Is Well with My Soul" that day, which is my favorite hymn. Only God.
"Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!" ~Psalm 34:8
