Last Friday it happened. In the midst of the anticipation and expectation, the quiet waiting that has been so sweet this Advent suddenly became riddled with the loud cacophony of doubt and fear and things undone. All it took was a text and then a phone call. The candles were lit, but it felt just as quickly the light was waning.
a THRILL of HOPE, the weary world rejoices . . .
this Advent was beginning to feel like the end of a difficult season. Oh, there will be more, I'm sure. This one has definitely stayed quite awhile, but I was beginning to feel the thrill of hope! Until last Friday.
And then a bit later I walked into the kitchen to see this.
Last spring he had to write a paper on a theme from The Odyssey. That was a tough read, much less writing! He insisted on completing his rough draft by himself. He wouldn't even let me see it, much less edit it. When they did peer review and editing, that paper came home with a lot of red marks, and he even asked to meet with his humanities teacher to get some guidance. He rewrote it. After he typed it, it was still a page short. So he finally had no choice but to let me sit down with him and give him the support he needed to get that last page written. It was a very long afternoon. But there was so much victory in that he so desired to excel on his own at something that was incredibly difficult for him, and he even saw some success there.
This fall he had to write an even longer paper. He also had to use multiple sources. It all started with Virgil's Aeneid, but by the time he was finished, he incorporated The Odyssey and The Iliad, too. Same as last spring, I never saw his rough draft. When he got it back after edits from his teacher, I still didn't see it. He said he still had a lot of work to do, but he knew exactly what he needed to do. I asked him if he needed my help. His answer was the same every time.
No.
Can I be honest? It was such a relief that I did not have to sit down with him to write a paper on those great works of Homer and Virgil. Because I just didn't have it in me. But as much as it was a relief, I was nervous. So nervous. I hardly knew how to function without helping him! That's never happened before. And not only that, I couldn't imagine what kind of grade he may possibly get on this thing. I mean, surely he needed my help.
He wrote the rough draft, but the final draft had to be typed. As always happens with these things, it was just under a page short when he typed it. So he had to add more. Again, I asked him if he needed help. Again, his answer was the same.
No.
Ellie asked me earlier this evening why Christmas time goes by so much faster than all the other times. I told her that's usually what happens during really fun times. They just go by so quickly. Of course, this was right after she tells me she just can hardly wait for Christmas so she can open the presents under the tree. We look forward to December 25, as well we should. But I was thinking the other day that it's not just about the arriving. It's not just about getting to the end of that difficult season or hearing the answer to that long-prayed prayer. It's about what happens in the waiting. Am I waiting well?
So I watched Mason sit at the computer, books stacked beside, typing the longest paper he's ever written and the only paper he's ever written solely by himself. In that moment, I knew. Earlier in the morning when my Advent was interrupted with a great burden, I knew the answer. I knew God was faithful and would continue to be. I knew He had a plan and already knew what that plan was. I knew I needed to be still. Wait.
And when I saw Mason typing that paper, I saw God's faithfulness. Months and years of God's faithfulness during a hard journey. And THAT was the thrill of hope that led to rejoicing! So many times it was hard, so many times I just didn't think it would work out, so many times I wanted to give up, so many times I just never knew what ultimately would happen. Still don't. But it doesn't matter. Because God is faithful. He has a plan. It is good because He is good. And He will show us the next step along the way.
He finished typing the paper, and I did tell him I wanted to proofread it for grammar. So I did. We had to fix a few commas and clean up some subject-verb agreements. But that was it. I was truly amazed when I read that paper. I've not read any of the other students' papers so I have absolutely no idea what this paper may look like written by a kid without a learning disability. But I have a feeling that if you read Mason's paper, you'd never in a million years know what a struggle that was for him, never know this is a kid with a learning disability.
Today marked the end of the semester. A hard fought, long semester. One of my favorites with the preschoolers at BSF is Bear Hunt. The end is my favorite part. Whew. We made it. And that's exactly how I felt today!
Whew. We made it.
He did it!
The Sequitur Christmas Concert was a great celebration today.
The candles are lit.
They aren't going out.