9.10.15

There is a DEER out there by your CHILDREN!

We live out in the country.  Way out.  Which I love.  I do.  And there are certain things that just kind of come with the territory.  You know, like critters and such.  And I'm okay with that.  I am.

I mean, there were the birds.

And then there were the chickens who used to come over here and poop all over my back porch and driveway and kick all of the mulch out of my flower beds.  They were the neighbors' "free range" chickens.  I mean, I don't necessarily have anything against chickens, but if I had chickens, they would be in a fence.  There used to be five of them, and then there were three, and then there were two.  And I haven't seen those two in a long time.  I'll bet that alligator in the front ditch got them.

And now there's the deer.

The same neighbors apparently decided it would be fun to raise a deer.  I don't know how long they've had him.  It's my understanding that the thing was kept IN THEIR HOUSE as a baby.  It used to be fenced in their backyard, but I guess they decided to "let it go."  Well, guess what . . . it won't go!  Oh, it goes all right.  Right over into my yard.

The kids and I were trying to carve pumpkins yesterday, and he kept getting all up in our business.  The deer is afraid of NOTHING.

I mean, he follows the kids around the yard (no, I do not have four . . . that would be the neighbor's kid) like he's one of them!

 And when it's 90 degrees in October, even the deer needs to take a break in the shade.  Looks like he found the perfect spot under our trampoline.

We were the talk of the road yesterday.  We live in a dead end road.  There are several hunting camps at the end of the road so we have a lot of traffic now with all of the hunters going to and from their camps.  Yesterday afternoon a big ole truck pulled up into the driveway.  At first I thought he was just turning around.  But then a guy gets out and starts walking towards me.  So I went to meet him.  I figured he knew Seth (who wasn't home), but I didn't recognize him.  The conversation went like this.

The guy:  Oh my gosh . . . that's a DEER!

Me:  Yes, it is.

The guy:  I mean, I've never seen anything like that before!  That's your pet?!

Me:  No.  He belongs to the neighbors.

The guy:  So, like, he's a PET deer?  

Me:  I guess.  

The guy:  Can I touch him?

Me:  Sure.  Go ahead.

The guy:  Oh my goodness . . . I passed by your house, and I said to myself, "That just can't be a dog!"  And I had to turn around and come back.

Me:  Well, it's definitely not a dog.  Do you live down the road?

The guy:  No.  I'm a member of the hunting club at the end of the road, the last one down there.

Me:  Oh.  Well, you don't need to go all the way to the end of the road to go hunting.  You can just come here.

The guy:  Well, I would, but he's not quite big enough yet.

Me:  Well, why don't you just take him with you.  He seems to like you.

The guy:  No, I can't do that.

Me:  Well, I don't know why not.  I sure don't want him.

And the conversation just goes from there.  I tried to convince the guy to take him - dead or alive, I didn't care - but he wouldn't.  He also informed me that I'd need a permit to have a pet deer.  Again.  IT IS NOT MY DEER!

And then I went inside a bit later and noticed I had a message on my phone from my friend who lives down the road.  She never leaves a message when she calls.  She knows I'll see the missed call and call her back when I can.  I thought something might be wrong so I went ahead and listened to the message.

GIRL!  THERE IS A DEER OUT THERE BY YOUR CHILDREN!

(Dramatic pause and then . . .)

AND I AM CERTAIN THAT YOU ARE OUT THERE WITH THEM BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ANSWERING YOUR PHONE.  SO I WAS JUST MAKING SURE YOU KNEW.  TALK TO YOU LATER.

I wish there was a way for me to upload voice mail messages here because you would so die laughing if you heard this message!  I mean, it's a keeper.  I've listened to it about five times already.  I'm pretty sure she was about ready to call child protective services!

But let me tell you.  It's not all fun and games with the deer over here.  HE ATE MY GARDEN.  The garden that the kids and I planted has been reduced to NOTHING.  This is where my beautiful cabbages were.  And now there's nothing left except deer tracks!   

He also ate all of my broccoli.  Yesterday I had a few cauliflower left.

But when I woke up this morning, it was ALL gone!  I'm pretty aggravated.  And how do I know that it was the neighbor's deer that destroyed my garden?!  I have proof . . . date, time stamp and all!!!

So look.  I'm thinking it's OPEN SEASON over here.  Because deer ARE NOT meant to be pets, people.

To be continued . . .